EXACTLY. With Florence Given. Episode 1: SEX: Miss Erica Storm - Pleasure, Power and Pussy

Floss: [00:00:00] Hello? Oh, my bloody God. I'm so excited. This is the first episode of my podcast. Exactly. With me Florence given I've wanted to do a podcast for so long, and I'm so excited that you're here joining me on this journey to discuss these really meaty and broad topics. I'll be speaking to a whole wide range of voices and some of them have just properly blow my mind.
So I started this podcast because I want to host conversations that allow for the complexity that these topics hold. I just think that there's not enough space for nuance and all the colors and the wonderful, juicy stuff that we have in life to fit into an Instagram caption. It's always been so important for me to bring people together.

I love doing this through my Instagram through live. Through whatever means I can. I love bringing people together and I want us to lean more into [00:01:00] compassion and curiosity than anything in life. So I'm so excited to do this podcast and just thank you so much for listening.
I'm fascinated by different perspectives and philosophies on life. So in this first season of exactly, we're diving deep into five topics of conversation. Social media, feminism, relationships and body image, and exploring them all from different angles, with incredible guests. And in this first mini series, we're talking all about sex.

We're talking about pussy, we're talking about confidence and we're going to be talking about confidence with your person. I really want to explore this subject because there's so much shame wrapped around sex for women. And it's time for that to stop. At the end of this episode, I'll be answering the questions you've sent in by my Instagram stories on each topic that we discuss.
Then in episode four, we're opening up the phone lines to talk about sex, and I want to include you in the conversation. You can join my guests tonight as we discuss this topic and everything that we've covered on sex in this mini-series just drop me a message on WhatsApp [00:02:00] on plus 4 4 7 8 9 0 3 0 2 6 6 5. And we'll be in touch.

To kick off this road of discovery. I'm speaking to the one and only miss Erica storm. She is a force of ****ing nature. That feels no shame. We're going to be talking about confidence. And how to liberate yourself sexually sexual liberation to me is acknowledging or pleasure as something that is important, a language of your body that needs to be studied and developed.
And one that you can eventually teach to other people everyone's sexual language is different. You're not going to allow more town, John right away. It takes years and years of practice and experience and paying attention to yourself and your just. Well, it's harder, even if you haven't explored pleasure on your own, it's figuring out if what you're doing in the bedroom is because it's what you've learned in porn, or because you're performing to the gaze of your partner.
I believe that the reason a lot of us have unsatisfying sex is because of fear and [00:03:00] shame, but sex isn't supposed to be fearful. It's supposed to be playful. It's supposed to be present. Fear and playfulness don't go together. We can end up performing sex instead of being active participants. Joining me today to discuss this topic is miss Erica storm.
When we recorded this interview, my guest, miss Erica was known as Madame storm. So you'll hear me refer to her by that name in the interview. I think she's the perfect guest for this episode because she's helping other women step into their sexual power and freeing themselves from the shame, trauma and unworthiness that gets them.

Experiencing freedom and fulfillment in the bedroom, the dungeon, or even in the office. Miss Erica storm, formerly known as Madame storm has worked as a dominate traits and seductress for over 12 years. And she believes that every woman can feel confident and empowered by connecting and igniting with that erotic power.
As well as working as a dominatrix, she is an empowerment coach and offers a range of services that help women to be confident and sexually empowered. She runs the famous struck [00:04:00] masterclass, which shows women how to walk confidently in their high heels while owning their space. She also runs workshops and mistress training.

Floss: Hello, Madam Storm. I'm so excited to speak to you today. Hello, my 

Miss Erica Storm: darling. Likewise, 

Floss: you look absolutely incredible. So I'm so excited to speak to you and we're going to dive right into it. After I've done my flosses five, basically I ask all of my guests five questions. Just get the first thing that comes to your mind.
It's just a bit of an ice breaker to just get us going. Okay. Okay, cool. Okay. What three things make you feel like your soul is on fire? A place, a person food. 

Miss Erica Storm: Well, there's the sound of the crack on my whip, honey.

Floss: Oh my God. Amazing. That's number one. 

Miss Erica Storm: That's number one, sex. Good sex. Yeah. The ones that make you squirt [00:05:00] make you feel wonderful.

Floss: Okay. Number three, 

Miss Erica Storm: teaching, teaching, and coaching. Um, when I see my women go through their, their journey right in front of my eyes, that for me is just the best feeling in the world. 

Floss: Rewarding as hell. Right? 

Miss Erica Storm: So rewarding. So as much as they say, I inspire them. They also inspire me. Yeah. 

Floss: It's very reciprocal. I completely relate to that. Number two of the quickfire questions is if you could wear one outfit for the rest of your life, a look that would define you forever. What would that outfit be?

Miss Erica Storm: That's easy my birthday suit

Floss: Okay, amazing. What's something that people frequently misunderstand or get wrong about you. 

Miss Erica Storm: Oh, that's a good one. They always say to me, I can't [00:06:00] believe how nice and friendly you are. 

Floss: Okay. There's a lot behind that as well. I can imagine. 

Miss Erica Storm: Absolutely. Yes, yes. Okay. Finish this sentence. I'm still a work in progress when it comes to becoming the woman I'm destined to be 

Floss: amazing answer. Wow. When was the last time you majorly cringed at yourself? Cringe at yourself, perhaps it's something you didn't pause. It could be little, it could be. No, no,

Miss Erica Storm: no, no. I accept all of me, the good and the bad and everything that I have done in the past made me the person I am today and everything that I have experienced has been a lesson and an important part of myself journey. So. 

Floss: Yeah, absolutely no shame around, 

Miss Erica Storm: no shame in my game, honey. [00:07:00] 

Floss: Now we're going to get right into it. How did you become a dominatrix ? And could you explain what a dominatrix does? 

Miss Erica Storm: Okay. So, I mean, I've been a professional dom coming up to 12 years now and. I was on the journey of finding a place where I can just be my true, authentic self, and I'm a big believer in energy. So I was always surrounded by women who worked in the sex industry, whether they were erotic , dancers or escorts, and literally just through conversations.
Um, I started to find out about the world of BDSM. And it was actually a lady who was speaking to me about setting up her own dungeon with her sister. And I was really intrigued and I was asking her loads of questions and she's like, yeah, we're building this dungeon. And I was like, okay, that sounds cool.
But in the back of my mind, I was like, what the ****? And she was saying, yeah, we're just ordering some whips and chains. I was like, okay [00:08:00] sister. Cause she was, she was a black girl. I said, okay, you need to break it down for me. What is this? You know, what is it all about? Cause we're not heard the word mistress.
The first thought that came to mind was, you know, a man who's married. His lady on the side is a mistress. So she was like, no, that's not what mistress is. And she started to explain to me that it's a dominant woman, who's in charge and she gets paid and I said, she gets what now?
um, so then I went off and I did my own research. And I started researching and I found this lady online and she was a dominatrix. I contacted her and I said, look, I'm really interested in becoming a dominatrix, you know, can I come and meet you? And she was so open. She was like, yeah, no problem. Come to my home.
And she opened the door and she was just this beautiful woman. So elegant spoke very well. She invited me up the stairs, walked up to the stairs. [00:09:00] And there was this man standing with a tray of champagne, completely naked. And, um, she's like, you know, take, take a seat. The guy serves me and in her living room, this was her home.
And in her living room, there was just books everywhere. And we straight away, we connected. She loved the fact that. I had a, an understanding of what it was to be a strong woman, you know, cause for me, you know, being a black woman, I was raised to be strong for so long. I had been bullied and penalized for my strength.
And here I was having this liberating conversation with an older woman. Who was able to converse with me about the power of being a woman and the psychology behind being a dom and the psychology behind having a submissive individual that you play with. So, as we know, we drank our champagne and had a giggle, you know, spoke [00:10:00] about sex and all this wonderful stuff she said to me, would you like to see my dungeon?
And I was like, yes, please. So this man who was standing there completely just disappeared and, um, went downstairs into this room. And that was my first experience of being in a dungeon. And it just had whips and canes and it had strap ons and dildos. And I, you know, Holy ****. Oh my God. Cause I'm a young woman.
I'm in my two I'm in my twenties, you know, um, you know, fastly approaching 40 now. Um, so yes, I was in my twenties. This was very, very new to me and she strapped him up and she started to cane him. And then she said to me, would you like to have a go? And I said, yes, please. And that was the moment I fell in love, you know?
And she said to me, you're an absolute natural. [00:11:00] And I was like, I am home, honey , I am home. So literally I went off. Got a website created, created my name and I invested in my first costume, which is my black latex catsuit. And it costs me a fortune, but I wanted to invest in myself and I understood branding and I understood the marketing and I just went for it. And many, 12 years later, I'm still here. 

Floss: Like you said, it's your craft and you knew that you had to invest that money into something. And also, I feel like when you, when you do invest in yourself, that comes right back.

Miss Erica Storm: Absolutely. And there's another thing as well. My darling that I've noticed that women are very uncomfortable with charging.
So this Madam, she says, she said to me, well, you know, the starting price is 150 pounds an hour, but once you're in this industry, as long as me, you know, you can, you can get a hundred and seventy five, two hundred. And within six months I was charging 400.[00:12:00] 

Floss: That's ****ing brilliant. That's amazing. Do you feel like you've always possessed that confidence to command what's right for you, or was that learned through becoming a Dom? Did you start off small with your prices and then learn your worth as you went along? Or
Miss Erica Storm: I always had that belief that you should be comfortable. With your self worth, but that doesn't mean that it hasn't been a journey I'm still growing with that because even now, I mean, I'm much more confident and comfortable now with setting my prices. But as I was growing through it, sometimes I started to feel a bit scared. I was scared of my own power. I had a client.
Yes, yes. Right. You can be scared of your own power. And I think a lot of women are because it can be. 

Floss: Because of the reaction that it elicits from other people. 

Miss Erica Storm: God. Yes. 

Floss: Yeah. That's why it's not because you're afraid of it. I think actually it makes you feel amazing to step into it. It's the people you [00:13:00] lose along the way because they preferred you when you were small, it's how the people around you change.
And I think that's for me anyway. That's why I fear my power sometimes. 

Miss Erica Storm: Yeah. Yes. But you know, when you're in this world, I didn't have anyone else that I can converse with. So when you don't quite understand something, but it's making you feel charged, like you feel charged and you, you feel so alive. And you're like, but what do I do all this power?
You know? And we're, we're grown to feel ashamed of our, erotic power as women, you know, to feel ashamed of our sexuality and how we express ourselves. And I remember one time I had a client and his whole body was just shaking and it scared him. To know how much I influenced him because I, yeah, I did erotic hypnosis with him
so again, I was just stimulating in his mind, you know? So he came in thinking he wanted apples, but by reading him and [00:14:00] understanding, I realized that really he wanted strawberries and that in itself shocked him. And that's the art of being a Dom is understanding really what your client's desires are. And getting it out of them.
So that was my first experience of really kind of like, holy ****. Like I'm powerful if I've got something. Yeah. And this is why I was bullied. This is why I always stood out. 

Floss: Oh my God. Yes. Yes. I think it's, it's one of those things. Isn't it? Where the parts of you that were humiliated, that were doused in shame as a child or growing up, then become the parts that you harness and turn into some kind of creative craft and actually prepares you for, to, to thrive in the world and yet to be your own creative person.
Why do you think people come to you? Your clients. 

Miss Erica Storm: I think the number one thing is they can see the I'm authentic. I 

Floss: can see that from the first two minutes of, [00:15:00] of joining this call with you, I could see a very authentic and it's very rare. 

Miss Erica Storm: Thank you. Um, so, you know, let's, let's talk about my male clients, the ones that, that come to serve me, they see that I'm not pretending to be a dom.
They love the fact that I empower other women. I was some surprised of how many clients knew about my shop master class. They read all the articles and listened to the interviews and they're like, goddess. Like you, you really are goddess because not only are you empowered, but you're empowering other women.

Floss: Your male clients like that you empower other women. That's so interesting. 

Miss Erica Storm: Yeah. More busier. The more, you know, the more that I, um, became... noticeable in the coaching arena, the more clients I gained, because they could see that I was not pretending to be a Dom. They could actually see that I really am a strong woman.
Um, and [00:16:00] then my lady clients, the ones that I coach, um, again, they can also see that I'm authentic and I'm very open. I don't try to pretend to know everything. You know, I share with them my ups and my downs. And I just say how it is, babe. There was no, for me, I had a big fight becoming Madame storm.
No, because I was fighting myself. I had to fight other people who thought that they knew more than me. Oh, no, don't name yourself. Madam. Don't let people know that you was a Dom don't swear. Don't wear thigh high boots. Oh, you're going to intimidate people. And I was just like, you know what? **** that I'm ever gonna win being me or lose being me, but either way, I'm going to show up and be me because I deserve that.
And my clients deserve that. And I said, my vibe , will attract my tribe! 

Floss: That's, what's so amazing about you opening up those spaces for other women. And I [00:17:00] found that with my past experiences with women, a lot of my healing comes through connecting women through bringing people together and through empowering them. So it's like you said, as much as it is about empowering other people and encouraging other people, not to be like you, but to guide them back to their own intuition and their own desires.
That's what it's about. Right? I think actually you get something from that too. I find that I heal a lot through the connection of other women. 

Miss Erica Storm: You said it perfectly, I couldn't say any about myself. 

Floss: I've read some of your blog posts and I think they're ****ing incredible. And I love the one. Yeah, they're so good.
I love the one where you spoke about you've wrote a love letter to your pussy. It was so wonderful. And I related to a lot of the stuff that you spoke about. I know that anyone who's at a place in their life where they even like themselves let alone love themselves or can, uh, respect themselves and their body.
Enough has probably and likely been through some **** to get to that place because it's usually born out of [00:18:00] adversity. Resilience is born out of adversity. It's through going through a lot of stuff. And I was wondering. 'cause you, you write so openly about your pussy and about writing love letters to your pussy. And so many women are even afraid, or people who have pussies are afraid of saying the word pussy, and I was wondering to have good sex. How important is it? To like your pussy to have good sex 

Miss Erica Storm: girl. That's like saying, how do I start a car without having an engine? Okay. I'm going to try not take you to church now. 

Floss: Alot of people don't like their bodies, a lot of people don't like their bodes. And can't even look at it in the mirror. 

Miss Erica Storm: Listen. Even the word pussy, it makes people feel uncomfortable, you know, in my shop master classes, uh, you know, even in my mistress training, I say, when I say pussy, you say power and I'm like pussy, they're like power.
I'm like, yo. Yes, honey, 

Floss: get them to say pussy. 

Miss Erica Storm: [00:19:00] Yes, yes, yes. I get them to touchtheir pussies aswell. I say, listen, that is your portal of all creation 

Floss: portal of creation. Oh, my god I ****ing love that. 

Miss Erica Storm: You know, when I say, you know, people might say, oh, I've come up with an idea. And I say, oh, I gave birth to an idea.
You know, I was speaking to, um, I was speaking to someone who I was in a project. And he asked me a question. I said, oh, I have to ask my pussy and get back to you. 

Floss: Oh my God. I love that. I have to ask my pussy , two to three business days.
Oh my God. 

Miss Erica Storm: Yeah, absolutely. Look, I think that, especially with women who, who have experienced trauma and, um, you know, that I have, cause you've read my power of the pussy blog. I think it's really important for us to reconnect with her and she's not look we are created for pleasure. And the reason why I want to touch [00:20:00] on that topic is because I am dedicated to living in pleasure.
Pleasure, not just in the bedroom, but out of the bedroom, meaning I don't do anything in life that does not bring me pleasure. Now you have to understand what pleasure is. Some of might just say, oh, eating a donut gives me great pleasure, but does it because how do you feel after you've eaten that donut?
Oh, I see. I had great pleasure after I had sex. Did you really, how did you feel? After you had sex.

Floss: Oh, my God. That's, that's such a, that's such an interesting way of looking at it. And I think that actually links to delayed gratification, right? So you're saying that people are indulging in things or doing things that feel good in the moment and the regret comes after and it makes it not worth it almost, but a delayed pleasure could be something where it's not nice to do in the moment.
So perhaps you deny it and then. You create yourself a more sustained and long pleasure.

Miss Erica Storm: Just like going to the gym, you might hate waking up in the morning and going to the gym, but how great do you feel [00:21:00] after, you know, and this is what I call resistance. Um, I, you know, coach a lot on the word resistance is that we fight a lot of resistance all the time and that's what keeps us in our comfort zone.
Um, I also got interviewed the other day about, you know, being, being a Dom and I, and I said, actually, it's about what is your intention? Coming into this industry. Why are you coming from a place of hurt? Are you looking for a place to escape? Like what is your intentions behind it? Because as well as it can be very wonderful, it can also be very dark.
And if you're in a dark place and you're dealing with energy, you're going to attract dark energy, which isn't going to make you feel good after. You have to do things that make you feel wonderful. That gives you ultimate pleasure where there's no shame or guilt after a part of that is self acceptance. You might feel shame because you haven't accepted your desires.[00:22:00] 
You haven't accepted your kinks. I don't feel that shame or guilt. In fact, I used to. Is there something wrong with me that I don't feel any shame it's like, ****ing hell.

Floss: Honestly that is such a gift. And I, I find it so interesting. Almost all of my female friends have said that their earliest experiences of pleasure while with other girls at sleepovers.
And there was this exchange of whether they're queer or not, whether they grew up to be queer or whether they, their identity. Heterosexual now they all explored with other women and that there was so much shame around this exploration that a lot of women didn't realize that our experiences came from this playful place without shame.
There was almost no shame when you were younger, you just did what feels good. And I find it so interesting how women go from that playfulness to not being able to have. With the lights on when they're older and there's, there's so much shame. And I think like you said, you think there's something wrong with you?[00:23:00] 
Um, I just think you've, you've been able to somehow keep this like impenetrable bubble around you where shame doesn't get in, or at least you, you know, how to deal with it when it comes up. I think that's incredible. 

Miss Erica Storm: It's been a journey. I didn't wake up like this, honey. You know, I had to do a lot of self work on myself and self-acceptance and taking a hundred percent responsibility for my life.
Like the work that you have to do to become free is not easy, but it has to be done in order to be free. And it can be scary. You can feel lonely, you may lose friends, you may lose family members, but we all have a purpose. 

Floss: Literally what I say
M
iss Erica Storm: Yeah. We all have a purpose and we all have a gift. Yeah. The world needs to see your gift.
And my dad said something to me that would always stay with me. He said, if you're not helping other people, what are you doing with your life. 

Floss: You touched on very briefly when you were talking about self-acceptance [00:24:00] about personal responsibility. Can you explain why taking responsibility is so instrumental to healing and self acceptance and what taking responsibility for your life and everything you do looks like.

Miss Erica Storm: Stop bull****ting yourself. Yes. There are reasons why we will behave a certain way. There are reasons. Okay. Give you an example. I went to seven different schools because of all the bullying and the fighting, but that hasn't stopped me. From becoming a speaker that hasn't stopped me from writing, I could have easily used it as an excuse and said, oh my education, wasn't that great.
Because I went to seven different schools and use that as resistance, not to push past those barriers. Right? 

Floss: So that's like a crutch, like something to lean on. 

Miss Erica Storm: Yes so that's a prime example. You have to let that go. If you want something, you have to fight for it. And there were times in my life, babe, that I literally had to fight for my life. And I don't say that word lightly. [00:25:00] Like when I say I had to fight, I had to fight for my life. Otherwise I would be dead because I had demons. I turned to drugs, I turned to alcohol, I turned to sex and I had to own my **** and be like, okay, let me take a hundred percent responsibility for my life.
What I can't control what has happened to me, but I can create my own reality. And that is how I pushed forward. 

Floss: I think that's the hardest thing is that seeing and knowing everything you've been through, all your friends, your family, knowing what you've been through, and yet no one, no one can save you apart from yourself.
And even though the most, the most horrific things can happen to you, it wasn't your fault, but it is your responsibility. That was one of my biggest lessons that led me to taking control of my life. Yeah. 

Miss Erica Storm: Yeah, but you're own superhero. That's what I tell my ladies. No, one's coming to save you girl. Forget about those fairytales that we grew up with because we are [00:26:00] powerful.
We are so powerful. And I know that you know this, you know, I know that you feel me once you ignite that inner power, it's just a game changer. And you spoke about having sex with the lights on, in my shop masterclass. There are more women that don't even own a full length mirror. I get messages saying, oh, Madam Storm I'm just on my way to ikea.
And I couldn't believe how many people were saying, oh yes I'm just about to go buy a mirror.

Floss: I encouraged my audience on Instagram a year ago to all go out and buy pocket mirrors or handheld mirrors to look at their pussy and open it up and look inside and look at everything and see what happens when everything comes up. And yeah, it's I had one when I was younger and then again, the shame kicked in and then it became something that I, I.
Was repulsed by because of men and external influence. And it was actually, for me, it was. Uh, sleeping with other women that allow me to see other women's bodies [00:27:00] and just fall completely in love with the female form to allow myself to see it in me too. 

Miss Erica Storm: Yeah, that makes sense. 

Floss: Yeah, that really connected me to my body.
And I think there is many ways that people can connect to their bodies and to their pussies. And I think your, you facilitating that space is so ****ing important. And what you said about the mirrors. Like I had a friend who couldn't look at herself naked in the mirror too. And that to me was I was blown away at that fact.
I've been sent in so many things from people who have the same problem. They, they, they can't look at themselves. And I think that is so, it's so sad because it will affect our every single area of your life. And it just means that when it comes to sex, you're not really doing it for you. You're perhaps taking yourself out of the equation and you're not present.

Miss Erica Storm: I hear this a lot with my, because I do a sexual. Um, sexual and body confidence course. And now from the birth of my power of the pussy blog, I now do group coaching called power of the [00:28:00] pussy group coaching because I'm wanting other women to realize that they're not alone in this because something very beautiful happens when women come together.
And a part of my group coaching is we do body worship. You know, we touch our bodies and we, we say powerful affirmations. And so many women have never touched their bodies that,way. Yeah, only from a partner and I'm saying, but you have to validate yourself. You have to feel beautiful for yourself. You have to feel sensual for yourself.
You know, it really does start with you. 

Floss: I remember when the first time I masturbated something in me knew that it. Uh, culturally wrong. And I remember literally, I'm not religious or anything, but I remember apologizing to God, but just this man in the sky, he was, I wasn't even religious, but I remember just apologizing and something in me knew that there was something bad about it.
And I'm still I'm. I'm still this friend who will, uh, openly encourage my friends to buy this new sex toy or here's how to hump your sofa or here's how to do this. I've always [00:29:00] been this very, uh, person who's open with my sexuality. And a lot of people didn't have that growing up. And I think it is so important to show people that they can have agency over their own bodies and that it doesn't just belong to the, for the desires of the other person that you're ****ing like providing that space for women to do that on their own and with each other as well.
It's so healing, especially because for women. The relationships can feel at times, like there's so much between us or rather that's what we're taught. We're taught that we're so different and yet we're all so ****ing similar. And then when you unite together on the, on that shared basis of having the same insecurities and not trying to tear each other down, I think that's so cool that you hold those spaces.

Miss Erica Storm: Yeah. I mean, this whole thing about women that support women, I mean, we are so connected that you can change my period.
Like COME ON! Queen, like, we are [00:30:00] so connected, like, as you know, I've just come from a girls' holiday and one of the girls are like, I'm due my period. I'm like, listen. Listen.
Don't **** my **** up okay. Because I can't deal with having my period on holiday.

Floss: But back in the day that congregations of women were illegal, like in, women were called witches for congregating because they were afraid of us realizing that when we do band together, we're going to figure it out. We're going to figure it out.
That the whole thing is ****ing rigged. That's why women coming together is so threatening. Uh, yeah, and I think that that's almost a Testament to how powerful women are, is that people don't want us to be together because we will change it up and we'll realize that it's rigged and that we don't need to rely on all of these sources of validation and products and beauty things, and even sex with men.
We can do it ourselves. And I think that's why these things are withheld from women because we'd be too much of a [00:31:00] threat to the system. If we did actually like ourselves,

Miss Erica Storm: **** yes. Yes, yes. 

Floss: Okay. And now it's time for your questions to be answered, whether you have any hang ups, uh, you want any advice about your friends or whatever, whatever you want to know, whatever you would like to ask my guest and I, for every episode, we're going to be giving you some advice. And the first question is I'm so nervous ...
This one's really relevant to, I think a lot of people are gonna relate to this. I'm so nervous about getting back out there. It's been a year. Do you have any advice? 

Miss Erica Storm: Yes, seduce yourself, take that time out to love your body, where that's putting on sexy lingerie for yourself. Putting on your favorite lipstick, put on your nice perfume, you know, talk to your pussy, touch her.

Floss: Oh, [00:32:00] that's a great way of framing it. 

Miss Erica Storm: Yeah, absolutely. 
You know, do body worship. I've got a great video on my Instagram at Madam Storm. You know, tell yourself how much you love yourself by seducing yourself. So you slowly touch your neck. You know, I love my neck. I love my breasts, you know, in a really nice tone that can turn you on. 
That will 

Floss: translate into your dating life too. 

Miss Erica Storm: Absolutely. And I also want to encourage her to be vocal about what she likes her desires. You know, she can use the tool of writing, write down if you want to, you know, how do you want to be pleased. 
 
Floss: You're so good. That was, that was brilliant the tool of writing. Oh, that's so good.
Yes. Yeah. I would've said the same thing. I would've said, get in touch with your body first, because that will translate all of your interactions in your life, are a complete, an entire reflection of how you feel about yourself. And I think before getting back out there after after a year, [00:33:00] I would also encourage people going on first dates to remember that this person also has to impress you.
And it's not also so much about showing up as the best amazing version of yourself. I think it's, it's also about reminding yourself that this person has to make a good impression on you also. 

Miss Erica Storm: Yeah, just to add to that show up being yourself. It is okay. Be who you are. Don't hide who you are. Don't hide your desires or hide your kinks, because it's only going to come back later on in the relationship and bite you on your ass because you're not going to be free in the relationship.

Floss: You get answers. When you're authentic, you get answers. You get the truth. And that's why I think a lot of people will perform a different version of themselves that they think is best catered to the other person, because then you get to live in this illusion that, oh, the date's going really well. Is the date going really well.
Or are you just saying everything that they want to hear or vice versa. And then yeah, you, you end up having this false connection and then you lied about your desires and then you become super resentful down the [00:34:00] line because were never yourself and it always comes out. 
Okay. Another question. How to respond to a guy when he says using a condom, makes him soft or numb?

Miss Erica Storm: This pussy isn't for you, darling safe sex is a part of self-care. Once you respect your body and your pussy, you will not allow anyone to disrespect you. And this is where you have to set boundaries. 
Boundaries around your pussy, like that's your temple. If you want the man to wear a condom and he does not want to wear a condom. You have to respect that as well as he has respect that you want to have safe sex.
You have to go separate ways if it's not working for you, you've had your experience now it's time to leave. 

Floss: Yeah. I think that's brilliant boundaries around your pussy. That's great. And safe sex is self care. That's such an amazing takeaway from this. I've heard it worded like that and I think that's perfect.
Okay. Another question. How do I tackle my own internalized sexism? [00:35:00] I love no strings attached sex, but I can't help it feel like a slut.

Miss Erica Storm: Yeah, because you've got disempowering thoughts around it because of society or individuals projected their thoughts upon you. You have to do the work about accepting who you are.
Look yourself in the mirror and say, I release myself of all shame. I am dedicated to living in pleasure. I am who I am. And just keep saying that to yourself. If you have to write it down, write it down, but that sounds to me that you need to go on a journey or self-accepting. And understand that you deserve pleasure. However, peasant looks like to you. 

Floss: Amazing answer. Okay. Another question. Can you get a good sexual connection without having an emotional connection? I felt I only have good sexual connections with a long-term partner, but I don't want a boyfriend at the moment. 

Miss Erica Storm: Whats quite interesting is she is asking us. Can I have [00:36:00] sex without having that emotional connection, you don't need permission from me, sweetheart. It's your pussy ask, your pussy. What does she want? That's it, your pussy, honey is not for us to tell you what you should and shouldn't do. You don't need us to validate you validate yourself, just be safe, but you do not have to ask permission from anyone.
You have to understand your why again, why you are you doing this. What, what place is it coming from? Are you trying to detach? Is it coming from a dark place or is that just your kink? And if that is your kink, then you just need to accept that have safe sex and enjoy your best life. 

Floss: Yeah. You're so right. Yeah. That's why I went in with talking about my experience because there's no blanket everyone's experiences are different. 
Another one is that okay that I'm 25 years old have had multiple partners and still can't orgasm. 
Of course. It's okay. 

Miss Erica Storm: Yeah. I think women, we need to stop [00:37:00] asking, is this normal? Is this okay if you're experiencing it. Then it's normal to you. If you feel okay with it, then it's okay. Again, be mindful of your intentions. How do you feel after you have sex with these people? You know, are you looking for a void to be filled? Like you need to ask yourself a series of questions. And there's something that I do with some of my clients.
And I get them to write down to think about all their sexual partners and write down anything that comes up for them. Cause sometimes we have blockages and we don't know. Where they come from, or we don't understand it until we sit down and think about it. 

Floss: So I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that.

Miss Erica Storm: Yeah. My clients find it really useful and a powerful tool. Write down all your partners that you've had. How did you feel? How did they make you feel? Why did you sleep with that person? Again, it's all about doing your own work [00:38:00] and we're individuals and we all have our own different experience with sex.
So. It's good to ask for advice, but you don't need permission to be free. Just connect to your pussy release, any trauma that you hold there, be a hundred percent honest with yourself. Why am I ****ing, how do I feel after I've had sex? Do I feel empty? Do I feel regret? Do I feel shame? Be honest. 

Floss: Yeah, I think what you said about, you know, why am I ****ing someone?
I think there's a big thing for women where we have sex. When what we're looking for is intimacy and sex doesn't always come with intimacy. If your needs and desires aren't centered. And as you say, you live a life entirely aligned with your pleasure. And I think that's an incredible way to live. Um, but I think if you're, if you're having sex.
When really what you want is intimacy, intimacy. Isn't always present in sex and you will always be [00:39:00] leaving sex, feeling unfulfilled if you didn't advocate for your desires during the sex. And then like you said, even even the ability to have good sex comes from acceptance and confidence, because how can you advocate for your desires in the bedroom, if you don't even think that you're worthy of pleasure?
There are so many, um, so many of the other questions that people were sending in were about, um, Uh, guy finishing and then him leaving you and, and, or you just say, oh, it's, you know, it's no big deal that I didn't come and all this kind of stuff. Every time that that happens, we tell ourself on a cellular level that our pleasure doesn't matter, uh, because we don't because we don't want to be a fuss.
And I think it's such an awful thing to view our pleasure as something that's a fuss. 

Miss Erica Storm: That's why communication is really important. And that's why I teach my ladies and, you know, the power of the pussy group coaching. You have to be vocal with your desires because sex can be very empowering, but can also be very disempowering if you don't have a voice within it.
You know, I'm talking about women who are afraid to tell their [00:40:00] partners or their lovers to change positions or, oh, I don't like this. Or can we try that? Because they're worried about spoiling the moment, you know? So I actually teach women how to communicate during sex. So they don't quote unquote ruin the moment, you know, it's, it's how you say things.
It's your tone of voice and it's about just being comfortable with speaking and opening up your throat. Shakra you have the right to be pleasured. That's why we have a clitoris.

Floss: Oh God, what a breath of ****ing fresh air. Honestly, those five quick five questions. They were hilarious. I feel energized walking away from this conversation. I'm now off to write a love letter to my pussy. Am I encouraged everyone to do the same thing. Thank you so much to miss Erica Storm. You can find her on Instagram at Madam Storm official.
For more information about her strut master classes. Next week, we're talking about [00:41:00] bisexuality and slut-shaming with Megan Barton Hansen. We're looking at accepting and owning our sexuality and finding ways to thrive with it. Also how ****ing cool is my theme music. I want to say a massive thank you to the incredible black honey who can composed the original theme music.
I asked them to do something a little Lou Reed, velvet underground, and they absolutely ****ing nailed it. You can find them on Instagram at black honey, UK, and check out their latest album called written and directed. If you've enjoyed listening, then please share it with your friends to keep updated with all latest episodes as they drop, follow exactly on apple podcasts, Spotify, Amazon music, Stitcher, or wherever you listen to your podcasts.

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This is a podcast from Somethin’ Else. My producer is Milly Chowles'. Assistant producer is Ella McLeod. Executive producer is Carly Maille and production coordinator is Lily Hambly. Additional production from Chris Skinner and a special thank you to our engineers, Jay Beale, Josh Gibbs and Gulli Lawrence Tickell.